Ginormous Chewy Chocolate Toffee Cookies (or, My Kryptonite)

Oh. My. Goodness.

Normally I don’t actually eat much of  what I bake. I sample to make sure I’m not about to poison anyone, but other than that I’m pretty hands off. And then there are the Gigantical chewy chocolate toffee cookies that make me forget how to blink.

Pretend the best brownie ever had an affair with a cookie and they made little toffee studded babies. This cookie is that baby.

They’re even better the next day when the toffee has a chance to make itself known. I can seriously devour these cookies. The trick is to watch them closely in the oven. You want the edges to set but the middle to stay soft. As soon as the cracks appear on top, whip those babies out of the oven. Prepare to party. Keep an ice cold glass of milk near by for the full Nirvana effect.

Chocolate Toffee Chewy Bliss
(adapted from Epicurious)

1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 pound bittersweet (not unsweetened)or semisweet chocolate, chopped

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
1 3/4 cups (packed) brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 bag of Heath toffee bits (12 or 16 ounces)

Combine flour, baking powder and salt in small bowl; whisk to blend. Stir chocolate and butter in top of double boiler set over simmering water until melted and smooth. Remove from over water. Cool mixture to lukewarm.

Using electric mixer, beat sugar and eggs in bowl until thick, about 5 minutes. Beat in chocolate mixture and vanilla. Stir in flour mixture, then toffee and nuts. Chill batter until firm, about 45 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line 2 large baking sheets with parchment or waxed paper. Drop batter by 1/4 cupfuls onto sheets, spacing 2 1/2 inches apart. Bake just until tops are dry and cracked but cookies are still soft to touch, about 15 minutes. Cool on sheets.

Peanut Butter Frosted Chocolate Cupcakes (or, Soldier Boys favorite)

Really? How can chocolate and peanut butter ever go wrong?

I do a lot of shopping in bulk, so I always have peanut butter and chocolate on hand, and every single family member eats the combo so you’ll find a lot of recipes mixing the best of both worlds on here.
These were particularly fun though. I just used a basic chocolate cupcake recipe, and went with an Ina Garten frosting. I had some leftover toffee chips so those went on top. Ta-Da! No muss, no fuss and awesome sweets.

Since I am too cheap to buy specialty items, my frosting was done using a Ziploc bag with a hole cut in the corner. I know, Martha Stewart would have a stroke if she knew that. Whatev. They looked cute enough for my family.

Feel free to ignore the Yeungling in the back. I, uh, used that for Bratwurst. Moving on, nothing to see here, folks.

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Cupcakes (allrecipes.com)

• 1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoons butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup milk

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line a muffin pan with paper or foil liners. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa and salt. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well with each addition, then stir in the vanilla. Add the flour mixture alternately with the milk; beat well. Fill the muffin cups 3/4 full.
3. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. Frost with your favorite frosting when cool.

Whipped Peanut Butter Frosting (Ina Garten)

• 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
• 1 cup creamy peanut butter
• 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 3/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/3 cup heavy cream

Place the confectioners’ sugar, peanut butter, butter, vanilla, and salt in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Mix on medium-low speed until creamy, scraping down the bowl with a rubber spatula as you work. Add the cream and beat on high speed until the mixture is light and smooth.

All bitten foods courtesy of my 12-year-old. She has the biggest mouth in the house and is forced to bite on demand.

Chocolate Chip Cookie (the one that took 14 years to find)

Chocolate Chip cookies have been the bane of my baking life since the beginning of time. Well, those and pie crust. But finally I have mastered them. Bwahahaha. The pie crust is still winning. Argh. Chocolate chip cookies require a few things in order for me to love them. They must be soft. No crunch, not ever. They have to be rich, which is why I prefer all dark brown sugar. They have to be huge and they have to be easy. After a ridiculously frustrating 14 year hunt, I finally found a recipe that worked for me at Smells Like Dessert. I’ve made a few adjustments to the original recipe (more chocolate, way more chocolate). My husband has officially pronounced these the best chocolate chip cookies ever. Sweet, maybe he’ll buy me shoes. Anyhow.. NANEENANEEBOOBOO I win!!!!

First things first, melt all that fat-free butter (we can pretend, right?) and hand mix it in a bowl with the sugars. At no point during these cookies will you plug in a mixer. Don’t try to cream the butter and sugar either, the melting is where the magic happens, baby. Ignore the chipped nail polish on the sous chef. She’s 11.

Once the butter and sugars start to resemble something my darling children made in their diapers, add the egg yolks, whole eggs and vanilla. Give it a quick stir to make to make it all happy. Ignore the gross white egg stuff, I always do.

Once the wet ingredients have made nice with each other, dump in the bowl of flour, salt, and baking soda. This recipe is obviously very high-tech and difficult. Hang in there, I know you can do it! Stir until just mixed, we don’t want tough cookies. We have 5 of those in the house already. Prepare yourself for the massive chocolate insertion coming next. Massive, massive amounts of chocolate. I used a mix of chunks and chips, cause I’m making them and I can be a rebel. OK, it’s because that’s all I had in the house. Soldier Boy (aka the husband) likes really, really chocolaty cookies. That’s why I married him. Cover and refrigerate for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 325. Lick the spoon clean. Spend the next 17 minutes trying not to eat the dough. I pretend to put ingredients away while stealing dough. It reduces the guilt.Drop a 1/4 cup of dough onto a parchment lined cookie sheet. Did I mention these cookies are ginormous? Yeah, baby. DO NOT go all health conscious and try to reduce the size. Sometimes in life, size does matter, and this is one of those times. You’ll thank me later. This first batch of dough seems a bit soft so I popped the bowl into the freezer for the next round. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes (I usually call it a draw and go for 16). The cookies will not look done, don’t let them fool you. Chewy is key here, and these are oh so so soft and chewy and beautiful and gooey and … sigh. Hurry up oven.

Remove from oven. Try not to burn tongue as you woof one down that’s way too hot. I mentioned these were huge, right? Transfer to a cooling rack, dust a little flour on your nose to make it look like you worked really hard and wait for the cheers and gifts. MMMmmmm, cookies.

Chocolate Chip Cookies
Adapted from Smells Like Dessert
Makes 36 cookies.

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup granulated white sugar
2 cups dark brown sugar
1 1/2 cups butter, melted
2 egg
2 egg yolk
2 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 to 4 cups chocolate chunks (depending on what I have on hand, I prefer the chunks though)

** Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. **

1. In small bowl, combine flour, baking soda, and salt.
2. In large bowl, combine sugars. Add butter and stir with wooden spoon for a few seconds until well blended.
3. Stir in egg, egg yolk, and vanilla. Be sure that all ingredients are incorporated.
4. Add dry ingredients and stir until just combined.
5. Gently stir in chocolate chips.
6. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and chill for at least 20 minutes.
7. Drop dough by 1/4 cupfuls onto a greased baking sheet (9 cookies on the sheet, about half the dough).
8. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes, until the cookies are just beginning to brown around the edges–don’t even let them set in the middle.
9. Cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes to allow cookies to firm up.
10. Place cookies on wire rack to cool, and repeat with remaining dough.

Pioneer Woman’s Apple Dumplings

Every now and again a food comes along that I really and truly know I shouldn’t mess with. Pioneer Woman’s Apple Dumplings are a perfect example.

When one recipe manages to create ooey-gooey goodness while still maintaining awesome levels of crunch, chances are it’s going to turn out for very, very badly … for the size of my butt.

The most difficult part of these dumplings is waiting for them to bake. The smell alone has me fighting the urge to lick my oven door. I pretend I make these for the kids. It’s a lie. They’re for me. MINE MINE MINE.

Apple Dumplings

2 Granny Smith apples
2 cans crescent rolls
2 sticks butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoons vanilla
cinnamon
1 small can Mountain Dew

Peel and core apples. Cut apples into 8 slices each. Roll each apple slice in a crescent roll. Place in a 9 x 13 buttered pan. Melt butter, then add sugar and barely stir. Add vanilla, stir, and pour over apples. Pour Mountain Dew around the edges of the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon and bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes. Serve with ice cream, and spoon some of the sweet sauces from the pan over the top.

Quit monkeying around, bread

Just do it. You know you want to. Monkey bread is evil and wicked, and you know you want some.

Forget about the million calories, the 14 sticks of butter, the gooey cream cheese. After one bite, none of the small stuff will matter anymore.

Bills unpaid? Kids bleach the cat again? Best friend lost 20 pounds and found a 26-year-old male model boyfriend? Eat some monkey bread.

Cinnamon. Butter. Sugar. Hello??? Get to bakin’, pronto.

Wicked Evil Cream Cheese Gooey Bread

Paula Deen’s Gorilla Bread (adapted) I no likey nuts, so I gleefully omitted them

1/2 cup granulated sugar
3 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese
2 (12-ounce) cans refrigerated biscuits (10 count)
1 1/2 cups coarsely chopped walnuts or 3/4 cup chopped walnuts + 3/4 cup chopped pecans

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Spray a bundt pan with nonstick cooking spray. Mix the granulated sugar and cinnamon. In a saucepan, melt the butter and brown sugar over low heat, stirring well; set aside.

Cut the cream cheese into 20 equal cubes. Press the biscuits out with your fingers and sprinkle each with cinnamon sugar. Place a cube of cream cheese in the center of each biscuit, wrapping and sealing the dough around the cream cheese.

Sprinkle 1/2 cup of the nuts into the bottom of the bundt pan. Place half of the prepared biscuits in the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar, pour half of the melted butter mixture over the biscuits, and sprinkle on 1/2 cup of nuts.

Layer the remaining biscuits on top, sprinkle with the remaining cinnamon sugar, pour the remaining butter mixture over the biscuits, and sprinkle with the remaining 1/2 cup of nuts. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool for 5 minutes. Place a plate on top and invert.

As awesome as these are, next time I’m going to swap the cream cheese for something a little lighter. I’m thinking Nutella, because let’s face it, Nutella rocks. Or maybe a raspberry jam, or possibly just straight heroin.

Whatever you decide to stuff these bad boys with, chances are it’ll be good. If you pick a craptacular filling, no one will care after the first bite of the buttery, cinnamon goo of love.

My number 2 child (in order of birth, not because she’s a turd. She is a turd, but that’s irrelevant) is also my funniest child. She likes to call these monkey balls. I pretend to scold her, and then I giggle when she isn’t looking.

Paula Deen may well be the most evil woman on the planet, with her attempts to cause early death through her recipes, but damn if the woman doesn’t make my belly all happy.

Battle of the No-Knead Breads

The much-vaunted No-Knead Bread by Jim Lahey.

Awesome: check
Easy: check
Crispy crust: check
Taste: not so check

I think we’ve all made this bread by now and it is admittedly good. Better than the $6 loaf at the local bakery, that’s for sure. But is it the best, easiest no-knead bread out there?

Nope. Sure isn’t.

At least my family doesn’t think so.

Granted, it’s perfectly crispy on the outside, airy and delicious on the inside, but to me it lacked a little flavor and the work that went into it (yeah, yeah, most of the work was waiting) made me end up a little less than thrilled with the final product.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t like how wet the dough was, I got irritated at it a few times, worried it was going to bomb and truth be told, I’m a Gen-X’er, I pretty much demand instant gratification in my life.

And then there is this. Gorgeous crust, flavorful inside, amazing smell, great taste, I could go on and on. I’m pretty sure the owner of the website where I found this miracle recipe is close to getting a restraining order against me. Something about stalking. Whatev.

A super simple, 5 HOUR version of the two day no-knead bread. Cue singing angels now.

We love this bread, especially with fresh, homemade butter slathered all over it. Mmmm, butter.

The recipe is nearly the same as the original bread. Flour, yeast, salt, water. Simple. An increase in the amount of yeast is what cuts so much of the rise time. I use warm water when I mix it, just to be on the safe side. Since it’s been FREEZING in my house lately, I’ve warmed the oven for 30 seconds or so before putting the bread in for the first rise. For the proof stage I’ve been heating a wood cutting board in the oven for a minute or two before putting the dough on it. So far, so good.

I’ve also let it rise way longer than I’m supposed to (shoes. distracted. forgot bread) and didn’t have a problem.

For somewhere around a buck a loaf, this bread has become a staple at our dinner table. Few things are as instantly satisfying as the smell of fresh bread, my family gathered around the dinner table and the beautiful silence that comes with having them stuff bread down their endlessly yapping little kid mouths. Silence is bliss, and so is fresh bread.

Chili (or, how to feed a family for pennies)

Hello, Winter. I love you. I love stews, soups, chili, casseroles, pretty much anything that can be cooked in one pot and double as a dip for bread.

I like a thick, chunky chili with lots of flavor. I also like bacon. I like bacon a lot. I like bacon almost as much as I like high heels, and that’s saying something. Oh, back to the chili. Chili with bacon thrown in is the best idea ever. Chili made with cheap meat is even better. Go cube steak, go.

The gorgeous, fluffy cornbread pictured is a deep dark secret. It’s um, well it’s fake. Not fake in the tricky plastic apple kind of way, but fake in that it’s from a box mix. Jiffy cornbread mix to be exact. Two boxes, half a can of corn (left over from the chili and baked in a cast-iron skillet with sizzling (you guessed it) bacon grease. OH. YES. BACON.

I digress, back to the chili … quick, cheap, easy and tasty. Kind of like me

Winter Chili

6 slices bacon, chopped
1 large onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 can diced green chilies
1 1/2 pounds cube steak, sliced thin against the grain
12-oz. beef broth
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper
1 1/2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon hot sauce or a few shakes red pepper
1 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 a can of sweet kernel corn
1 (14 1/2 ounce) can diced tomatoes, undrained
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1 (15 ounce) can kidney beans, drained and rinsed

Cook the bacon in a large pot over medium heat until browned. Remove half of the bacon grease and discard. Add the onion and cook until translucent. Add in garlic and chilies and cook for 1 minute.

Add in cube steak and cook until browned. Add in beef broth; cook until liquid is reduced by about two-thirds. Stir in salt, pepper, chili powder, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, corn, cumin, tomatoes and tomato sauce. Cover; reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for about 30 minutes – until mixture thickens. Stir in the kidney beans and cook until the beans are warmed through – about 10 minutes.

S’more Cupcakes (or, doing my daughter’s homework)

Seriously, could these be any cuter? My oldest daughter is taking a culinary class in high school. Her assignment for homework was a yellow cake. Hello boring. Who eats plain yellow cake?? We decided to spruce it up a bit (by we I mean I took over, whatever).

I found this recipe by searching yellow cake on Tastespotting.com and came up with the Doehle Bread blog.  Howdy, gorgeous cupcakes.

We got an A.

S’more Cupcakes

CAKE:
1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
2 cups sugar
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
24 Hershey Kisses

FROSTING:
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
1 cup marshmallow cream
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
up to 1/4 cup milk

GARNISH:
1/2 c. hot fudge ice cream topping
1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Line two 12-cup muffin tins with cupcake papers. In a small bowl, combine the flours. In a separate bowl, combine milk and vanilla. Set aside.

In a large bowl, on the medium speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugar gradually and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

Add the dry ingredients in three parts, alternating with the milk and vanilla. With each addition, beat until the ingredients are incorporated but do not overbeat. Using a rubber spatula, scrape down the batter in the bowl to make sure the ingredients are well blended.

Carefully spoon the batter into the cupcake liners, filling them about three-quarters full. Drop one unwrapped Hershey kiss into each cupcake tin, pressing down slightly so only the tip peeks out. Bake for 18-20 minutes.

Combine butter and marshmallow cream in a mixer until well combined. Add sugar and vanilla. The mixture will probably be really stiff. If it is, add milk a little at a time until it’s spreadable but still thick. If it gets runny, just add more powdered sugar.

Cool the cupcakes in the tins for 15 minutes. Remove from the tins and cool completely on a wire rack before icing. When cool, frost with marshmallow icing. Decorate with graham cracker crumbs, chocolate drizzle.

Emeril’s Chocolate Cream Pie

My husband is not a big dessert eater but chocolate cream pie always does the trick for him. Sadly he thinks the crap from the back of the pudding box counts. Today I decided to make him a real pie and went to hunt for a recipe.

I found an Emeril recipe that I had the ingredients on hand for (with the exception of the crust, more on that later). Now, I’ve made several Emeril recipes and I have to be honest, they usually suck. I’m not sure why it’s just his recipes I have trouble with. I can knock out an Ina Garten recipe like a pro, but Emeril’s are always pretty meh. I’ve decided the fault is his cause hey, he’ll never read my blog. This pie was actually an exception. The filling was creamy and rich and much, much better than the back of the box kind. Still the recipe was a little tedious. We were too impatient to wait 4 hours for the pie to set up but even soft it was delicious.

As for the crust– I didn’t have chocolate cookies, and totally didn’t have time to lick the filling from each Oreo so I went with a graham cracker crust. I pre-baked it and wish I hadn’t. I would have preferred a softer crust. The taste worked well with the pie though, and since the pie is completely gone, I guess the rest of the team liked it enough.

Emeril’s Chocolate Cream Pie (Recipe adapted from Foodtv.com)

Ingredients

• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
• 3/4 cup heavy cream, plus 1 3/4 cups
• 3/4 cup buttermilk
• 3 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
• Pinch salt
• 4 egg yolks
• 4 ounces good-quality semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar

Directions

1 (9-inch) Chocolate Cookie Crust, baked, recipe follows

In a small saucepan combine sugar, 3/4 cup heavy cream, buttermilk, cornstarch and pinch of salt, and whisk until smooth. Place over medium-high heat, and bring to a boil, whisking from time to time for the sugar and cornstarch to dissolve and the mixture thickens, about 5 minutes. Continue cooking at a low boil for an additional 5 minutes, whisking constantly.

In a mixing bowl, beat the egg yolks lightly. Pour 1/2 cup of the hot mixture into the egg yolks and whisk thoroughly. Pour the egg yolk mixture into the saucepan and whisk over the heat until thoroughly combined and very thick, 1 to 2 minutes. Pour the mixture into a mixing bowl, and whisk in the chocolate, butter and vanilla. Continue whisking until thoroughly combined (mixture will be very thick). Cover the mixture with plastic wrap placed directly on the surface and refrigerate until cooled to room temperature, about 30 minutes.

Place 1 3/4 cups heavy cream in a chilled mixing bowl and add the confectioners’ sugar. Beat until stiff peaks form. Gently fold about 1/4 of the whipped cream into the cool chocolate pudding mixture, then spoon the chocolate mixture into the prepared pie crust and refrigerate until firm and cool, at least 4 hours. Refrigerate the remaining whipped cream until you are ready to serve the pie.

When ready to serve, top the pie with the remaining sweetened whipped cream and serve immediately.

Graham crackers to yield 2 cups crumbs

• Chocolate sandwich cookies (white centers removed) to yield 1 1/2 cups crumbs (recommended: Oreo)
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 stick unsalted butter, melted

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

In the bowl of a food processor or blender, process the graham crackers and chocolate cookies to make crumbs.

In a bowl mix together the cookie crumbs, sugar and butter with your hands. Press the mixture evenly into a 9-inch pie pan. (It will seem like an excessive amount of crumbs, but will compress down quite a bit with pressure.) Cover the crust with plastic wrap and top with another 9-inch pan, pressing quite firmly to make a smooth surface. Remove the pan and the plastic wrap from the pressed crust prior to placing it into the preheated oven. Bake the crust for 15 minutes.

Remove the crust from the oven and let cool completely before filling.

Yield: 1 (9-inch) crust

My family attacked my poor, defenseless pie leaving me with a sad, beat up last piece for a picture. I don’t know why I keep feeding those little ingrates.

Chicken Pot Pie for 7

Trying to feed 7 people every night is a challenge, epecially in a family full of foodies. I try to avoid making the same foods repeatedly while staying in a budget. I, like most people, don’t have the money for gourmet meals but my family wants excellent food that won’t leave them hungry an hour later. Making a dollar stretch is no easy task. The mothers of ol’ had it right when it came to putting food on the table and I’m doing my best to learn from them.

I had everything I needed for chicken pot pie, which helps me stick to my rule of not shopping in between big grocery store trips. The nice thing about a pot pie is that you can toss in whatever is on hand and it’ll turn out. I’ll include a basic recipe but feel free to add/omit as you need.

By the way, the measurements are pretty loose. I definitely cook by feel and taste so don’t hesitate to toss, pinch or throw to your own liking.

Chicken Pot Pie (adapted from BlogChef.net)

Ingredients:
2 prepared pie crusts (homemade or store bought)

Filling-
4 Tblsp butter
1 onion diced
½ cup diced celery
1 cup diced or sliced carrot
1 cup (or so) diced potatoes. I use red or white or whatever is on hand
4 cloves garlic minced, or a Tbsp jarred garlic
1 tablespoon parsley
1 teaspoon thyme
1 pinch red pepper flakes
¼ teaspoon ground sage
salt and pepper
3 tablespoons flour
1 cup beef broth (I use a bouillon cube)
1 cup chicken broth (cube again)
2 cups cooked and diced chicken. I’ve used breast, tenderloin, thigh, whatever I had on hand.

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 425 degrees and press one curst onto the bottom and up the sides of a 9” pie plate.

Step 2: In a large pan melt butter and add celery, onion, carrots, potatoes, and garlic. Stir fry for 5 minutes. Add parsley, red pepper flakes, thyme, sage, salt and pepper to the pan. Mix well. Sprinkle with flour and mix again. Add chicken stock and simmer for 5 minutes or until mixture is thickened. Add chicken bits to the mixture and mix well.

Step 3: Pour mixture into the prepared pie dish. Top with the second crust and crimp sides to seal.

Step 4: Bake in the oven at 425 degrees and bake for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes reduce heat to 350 degrees and bake for 45 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool for 15 minutes before serving.